Sometimes I feel like my life exploded

So I’ve tried this post a couple of times, but it just sounds like I’m whining. I don’t want to be the whinny person who’s always having a bad day. 

I also don’t want to lie and fake a happy sunny life thus propagating the idea that we have to be well adjusted sunny people with nothing worse than a hangnail going on in our lives.

But here’s the truth: I’m no closer to having my damned dissertation done now than before. Well, that’s not true, I’ve been working on it constantly, but it’s taking forever. I *feel* like I’ll never finish. And I’m teaching. 250 students generate email like you would not believe. And I have to keep on top of all of it because that email is someone’s grade.

No pressure. 

I love teaching, don't ever doubt that, but when my computer eats my lecture an hour before my lecture I want to take a shot gun to my computer. The urge is not insignificant. And that sort of breakdown is occuring more and more frequently. My students must think I'm a complete flake. They have fewer computer problems than I do, and they outnumber me worse than the Persians outnumbered the Spartans at the battle of Thermopylae.

Yeah, I’m looking forward to Spring Break (next week). I’ll be heading to California to visit family and water, and I’m looking forward to it so much that if something goes wrong (always a possibility), I will seriously cry like a little girl (something I’m prone to when stressed out beyond imagining).

So I think I can sum up my life with two words: Over booked.

I am now done whining. I should get back to work.

The First Murder is Always the Hardest and Crit Partner Appreciation Day

I don’t know how many of you have had the pleasure of experiencing March in the Southwest US, but let me just say, it has the most memorable March of all the places I’ve lived. This desiccating wind blows through the valley, drying out everything and sending anything not nailed down (and quite a few things that were nailed down, actually) to the sky.

This wind is a magic thing. It gives life to the dreaded tumbleweed.

If you’ve been reading for a while, I’m sure I’ve mentioned them before, but the battle between man and tumbleweed is taken very seriously here. This wind dries out the weeds and they start rolling around, and not slowly, I’ve been passed by a tumbleweed on the freeway before, doing 60 mph. It’s a thing to behold when a hay bale-sized object speeds past you. Tumbleweed range in size from soccer ball to sedan. I did once see one the size of my living room roll by (yikes). But despite their size they usually aren’t that heavy (hence the rolling along at highway speeds).

Even more disturbing is the way to handle them. Okay, well it’s actually pretty cathartic. When driving, run over the tumbleweed. Do not swerve (unless it’s bigger than your car). They look big, but they’re basically a skeleton of fairly delicate, desiccated plant matter. And even better, when exposed to the front end of a Nissan Versa, they explode in a shower of sticks.

It’s like magic.

In March I always try to think of all my problems as rolling balls of tumbleweed. They always look so much more solid than they are, but every time I’ve run over one, they explode. I like the idea of exploding problems. If all of my problems could be handled so easily… Kapoow!

Did I mention I have the tastes of 12 year old boy, and using my car to make invasive species explode makes me laugh like the mad scientist I am?

The problem is the first one. Every year, it’s a challenge to take out that first tumbleweed. We spend so much of our time learning to protect our cars and drive defensively, that the aggressive act of heartlessly—no! Gleefully!—mowing down a bush in our way is completely foreign to me. But then I get the nerve, line up the damn weed and smack-ola! Sticks and dust fly up over the hood in a satisfying cloud of destruction. Queue maniacal laughter.

Once I take out that first one, it’s game on for the rest of March. Look out tumbleweed, I’m after you.

This is the part where I’m supposed to compare writing to tumbleweed murder. I know, lame right. But it’s always been that way with me, with everything really, not just writing. All the big obstacles were big because I filled in the skeletons with rocks and plaster and stuff to make them harder. I swerved when I should have driven straight ahead. I avoided instead of taking them out when I had the chance. If only I could remember the crunch-whoosh sound of exploding tumbleweed when life throws its curve balls at me.

Right, and now For Crit Partner Appreciation day.

It’s Crit Partner Appreciation day (Thanks for making this one Megan!).

There are a number of people who have looked at my work (query letters and chapters). So in no particular order, I’d like to thank

Megan

Carrie

Jen

Elizabeth

Liz

Jess

Go send them some blog love. These guys (I guess gals, really) have changed the way I think about novels, and query letters. You never know how things will stick with a person, but literally, one comment—one sentence!—from someone once made me realize that my entire novel NEEDED to be rewritten (and no, the sentence was not “You need to rewrite your novel”).

In honor of Crit Partner Appreciation day, I’m giving away free crits. No contest, you don’t even have to follow. Send me your first 250 words, and I’ll give you feedback. These are crits people, so they won’t be just full of happy go lucky “I loved it” (even if I do love it). They will be full of honest feedback (it’s the only kind I know how to give). So email me your stuff by Monday the 5^th at 11:59 GMT, and I’ll give you one critique on your first page. If you’re in dire need of query help, you can send me a query instead, and I’ll give you all I’ve got in that arena instead.

With critiques, remember that I don’t know any more than the next person, but sometimes all we need is another pair of eyes. I’ve got a pair of eyes, so I’m qualified. My email is RenaLFord(at)gmail, so send me your stuff, and go thank your Crit Partners. 

And for my crit partners, I’ve been closed to crits for a while, but that changes now. Email me.

Sort of a Public Service Announcement

I teach entry level science courses at the University of New Mexico, and one of the most baffling things I’ve come across is that there are people who don’t believe or trust the data about climate change. I swear I’m not going to go into this more than this once. This is my PSA.

I’ve had students who could believe that we are pumping water from the aquifer faster than it is replenishing. I’ve had students who could believe that length of day has changed due to orbital resonance with the moon. But every time I talk about climate change, I get some student who refuses to believe the data. There’s a ton of data on climate change. It isn’t my field of expertise (I only study the rocks that fall from the sky, everything else is someone else’s problem), but I can speak competently on the subject. It makes me crazy when they come up to me after class and ask me “Well isn’t all of this complete bologna? Remember that scientist whose emails proved he was throwing out data that didn’t fit his model?”

That guy got a lot of press, and the nay sayers sure have spread that story. Interestingly, they didn’t spread the story about his exoneration. Typical. And so every semester, I’m confronted with another student (sometimes they travel in tribes), and I have to tell them about how the data is not really something that can be argued with, that really any idiot (even a sloppy scientist) could collect temperature data using a relatively calibrated thermometer (a tool we’ve had since the 1850s). And any idiot could easily see the global temperature change, irrespective of its cause.

*Sigh*

Well, this year I have finally found the one thing that seems to put aside all the bitter infighting about global climate change, and I’m passing it on to you. It is a fantastic thought experiment, and I highly recommend you give it a look. And then share it with everyone you know. Seriously, as an Earth Scientist, I’m with the doomsayers, but think for yourself.

Right, I’ll get down off my soap box now.

Harder than Anticipated (Now, there's a shocker)

So I have this WIP that I love. No, no: LOVE! I’m so head over heels in love with this WIP that when I realized it was sort of built on a shaky world with poorly motivated bad guys, I had to fix it. But the only fix was to scrap the draft I was working on, and start over from scratch.

At first, I thought this was a brilliant idea because I am completely IN LOVE. Now that I’m 10K into it, I realize that I R dumb.

I thought this would be easy for a few reasons. First, of course, is my utter and complete love of the project. This one qualifies as a baby. I’m going to cry when I get the inevitable rejection letters for this project (I know, I’m really setting myself up for some major pain down the road here). So I thought that because I love it sooooo much, it would be easier to rewrite it, reimagining the awesome from last fall.

I also thought this rewrite would be a good idea because my voice has changed. You have to realize that the first novel I wrote thinking it might have a chance at publication I wrote in third person boring because everyone from my childhood had written that way. I guess I must have thought it the polite and proper way to write (Wow, when did I become a Victorian era lady from London?). Suffice it to say that me and third person (boring, entertaining, or otherwise) do not mix. I wrote three books in third person. Then I said, “oh to hell with publishing” and I wrote a book just for me. And my voice changed. My voice changed throughout that whole project, right into the next (abandoned) project. By the time I started in on my SuperHero WIP I knew it was changing faster than the Climate, and all I would be able to do was mitigate Sea Level rise.

And then, it settled. It settled on overwritten, but I feel like it finally worked. I was at the 2/3 mark of the Super Hero of Awesome project (not it’s actual name). But to make the last third of the novel work, I needed that world building. If I had just finished, it would need so much RetCon*, it could sell tickets and people would come dressed up in their Steam Punk costumes.

Enter the rewrite.

I thought it would just go awesome because I had so much more I wanted to put in. I’ve never rewritten a project from top to bottom (maybe I should have started on a smaller project), so perhaps my naivety can be forgiven. But let me just tell you, a rewrite is hard, like pull out your fingernails hard.

For me, the problems are that I remember how I wrote certain parts the first time, and I liked them. It wasn’t like I’d done a particularly bad job the first time, there just wasn’t enough. So the whole time I’m wondering “Is this enough? Is it too much? Am I ruining the parts about it that everyone loves with my messing around like this? Is my voice really different enough to justify starting over from scratch? Oh crap I forgot to put in that pivotal part about that alien race so there can be more tension in the climax. Why do I suck so much? Uh-oh, did the first try suck this bad too? Was it worse? Was I just completely incapable of seeing how crappy my voice is?”

It ain’t pretty, I’ll tell you that.

So just like every other part of writing, rewriting is hard.

*RetCon is a term for retroactive continuity. It’s the “I wave my magic wand and the crap at the beginning of the novel doesn’t count because someone had a brilliant idea right at the end.” It’s not a good tool.

Sick

So everyone at my house is sick. That's why I didn't post yesterday, I couldn't keep my head above water.

I'll get back on schedule soon.


In the mean time I'm going to go blow my nose for the four hundredth time

It's just Meme

As promised, the 11 question Meme. Again, thanks to Jess over at Ink Spot Splot for tagging me.

1. What food can you not stand to eat?

Eggplant, and it’s complicated. See in the field there are exactly two things that are important: food and sleep. At my summer field camp we never got enough of either. The cook thought he was trying out to be a gourmet, so instead of spaghetti and hot dogs (hello, college students hiking for 14 hours a day in 108 degree weather? Did we want stuffed egg plant? No. Fried chicken: yes) he served eggplant for one whole week and wondered why we were all pissed at him. I lost 25 pounds in 40 days. Yeah, I hate eggplant that much. Sorry that sounds so harsh, but it was personal by the end of Field Camp. 

2. What was your favorite book as a child?

Oh man, I have to pick one? Okay well if kid means 10-12, then any book about StarTrek, or in the Star Trek series (mostly TNG, but I’ve got a lot of the original cast too). If it’s 12-14 then it’s a tie between White Dragon (Anne McCaffrey) and The Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien). Now if kid means 6-10, then it’s going to be Robert Asprin and the Myth Series with a side helping of Heinlein’s Podkayne of Mars.

3. Which author would you like to ask 11 questions? (Dead or alive.)

I’ve never really thought about this one, but I guess if I had to pick an author to grill I’d really like to sit down and talk with Anne McCaffrey (I was so sad when she died).

4. If you were an evil villain, what would your villain name be? (Sorry, I kind of have villains on the brain right now.)

If? What do you mean if?

5. What toy could you not be separated from as a child?

Well this is embarrassing, but it was a stuffed rabbit from the care bears. Ah, those were simpler times.

6. If you woke up in the morning and found out it was a snow day/blizzard and you had the day off from work... what would you do?

Go play in the snow with my daughter.

7. What is your favorite memory?

So, I have a pretty eclectic family history, and my father races cars (Spec Fords, if you’re curious). One time, we celebrated Easter at Laguna Seca (famous race track). We went hunting for Easter Eggs between turns 3 and 4. It was awesome.

8. If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be and why?

Butter knife. It’s not quite right for every job, but it can do just about anything with a bit of jerry rigging.

9. If you could live in any painting, what would it be?

Anne Stoke’s Secret Garden

10. What do you want people to say about you when you go back to your next high school reunion?

You’re more you than I remember.

11. You've just become a celebrity and it's time to create a breakfast cereal... what would you name it?

Torrid Tarts.

Right, well I think that just about covers it. And since I’m determined not to let this linger any longer, here’s the lucky tags. 

Kyra @ Write Here Write Now

Tara @ Tara Tyler Talks

Kathy @ Imagine Today

Jess at Write Skate Dream

Jen @ Jenny's Imaginary World

Carrie @ Where I get Wordy

Megan @ This Post Will Self Destruct

Elizabeth @ Myself without the Shell, but I'm suspicious that pretty soon she might be too busy to take the 11 question challenge.

And here are my questions:

1.If your luggage got lost on vacation, would it ruin your vacation?

2. If you could publish any of your trunked novels right now, no questions asked, which one and why?

3. Who is your hero? Who is your villain?

4. Speaking of Villains, who is your all time favorite villain?

5. Disneyland or DisneyWorld?

6. If someone told you that a book you hated writing would go on to be a bestseller for months, but in the mean time you had to rewrite it another 6 times, would you?

7. Kirk or Picard? (and I meant he Shatner Kirk. The Chris Pine Kirk is a whole new creature).

8. What was your favorite book in high school?

9. Is there anything about your life that you would change?

10. You are offered an opportunity at true immortality, do you take it?

11. What is the hardest thing you have ever done in your life?

Okay, and now I go teach 250 students about the power of Hurricanes.

So what do you get when you mix blog awards and rule breaking?

I got tagged by Jess Stork over at Ink Spot Splot, and that made me realize that my grand plans are falling apart. See, I’ve received a number of awards, but then I did not pass them on. Awards are fun, and I think we should pass them on, but now I’m in the terrible position of having a few too many to pass on. I have Leibsters and Kreatives and Versatiles (oh my), and the problem with letting them pile up like that is that they sort of lose their potency when you just pass them all out all at once like that (“yet another reason not to procrastinate, Rena” my conscious said to me, tapping her foot). So I’m not going to dilute those awards by handing them all out all at once.

Besides, they have so many rules, and I’m just not good with rules. I break rules.

So instead of following the rules, I’ve decided to take these awards, melt them together and hope they’re like chocolate and marshmallows when it comes to s’mores. I’m making a new award.

Here’s my recipe:

Take one part Leibster

(Thanks Jen)

One part Versatile blogger

(Thanks Carrie)

Two parts Kreative Blogger

(Thanks Kathy, and Elizabeth)

(I think I missed one, and this is why I should never procrastinate because I think it's from some time this summer... Bad Rena)

The reason that I’m making a new award is because these awards didn’t really fit what I wanted to say. There are people who made a big difference in my blogging world, and I want to thank them. Some of them stuck with me through my earlier, less knowledgeable times (you know, when I didn’t really respond to comments). From the first Liz to check out my blog because I naively put my name out there as if I really needed a crit partner (at the time my manuscript needed a shot gun, but tell that to my former self). My dreams aren’t here yet, but I’ve definitely launched (Fly? Yes. Land? No.) so I thought I’d take this opportunity to thank the people who have been there and helped me.

So, without further ado, I’d like to set forth the new award, the Dream Launcher Award. I don’t know if it’s totally meaningless, but even if this little jpeg is meaningless, the people I’m giving it to have meant a lot to me. You have made a huge difference in my steps towards becoming a “real” writer (even if they are baby steps). Thank you. 

Here's the list of people who I'm giving the Dream Launcher Award to (please go check out their blogs):

Liz at Liz writes books

Elizabeth at Myself without the Shell

Carrie at Where I get Wordy

Megan at This Post will Self destruct

Jenny at Jenny's Imaginary World.

Sarah at Empty White Pages.

Jess at Write. Skate. Dream.

So now that you have the award, the rules are simple. There are no rules. Take it. Leave it. Give it to another hundred people who made your day, or hoard it for yourself. Put in your website. Forget you ever got it. Just know that I appreciate what you’ve done. Thank you.

p.s. Jess at Ink Splot, I’ll post my tag on Friday.