Like most things I’m insecure about, it turns out that there’s
a numb place. At some point, being insecure about everything sort of wears off.
I like to think of it more like polishing a piece of wood. The first pass with
sandpaper is very rough, lots of grit, and it removes a lot of the bits and
pieces we create of ourselves, the things we let go when we’re under ridiculous
stress. The next time that stressor comes through, we’ve either built those
pieces up again or abandoned them completely, but either way, when the
sandpaper comes for us again, there’s a lot less of us that’s sticking out.
If I follow this analogy to the end then we’d have to sort
of accept that life just kind of grinds us down, which isn’t exactly true, but
at the same time, doing the same task that makes us insecure, eventually the
sand paper goes to a finer grit. It’s less abrasive. Sure, it still grinds big
chunks away, but it’s still less than before. Do that enough, and it gets less
still.
So it’s not that my insecurities are less insecure, it’s
that the part of me that worried so hard has been ground away a great deal. I
understand the shape of me more, and that causes the loss of my extraneous bits
to be, somehow, less painful. In short, for today, many of my writing based
insecurities are living in the place that I label “true, but inefficient.”
It’s a nice box to have. I put my fear of public speaking
there. I keep my anxiety about work there. It’s just inefficient to spend that
much time worrying about some things. I’m trying to move my social media
presence into that box, but I don’t think I’m going to manage that, we’ll see.
How about you, do you have a place like that? Or are you a
completely awesome person without insecurities?
As always, be sure to check out the Ninja Captain Himself, Alex and his co-hosts today are Tyrean Martinson, Ellen @ The Cynical Sailor,Megan Morgan, Jennifer Lane, and Rachna Chhabria!
I have insecurities, but I don't know exactly where I hide them. All I know is that no matter how insecure I become over my writing, they disappear after a good night's sleep. I know they're still there, but they're stuck in a part of my brain that I apparently don't use much, so I remain naively happy.
ReplyDeleteI do think that our insecurities start to wear down eventually. Maybe it's because we get used to them, living with them each day. And we learn to deal with them.
ReplyDeleteEither they grind us down - or we just grow more resistant.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. I'm one of those completely awesome people. At least, I'd love to be. The truth is I'm not, but I can go to the movies or read a great book, and for a while, I'm Wonder Woman or the main character with the magic wand.
ReplyDeleteA very smart person reminded me recently that worrying does not change anything. I'm trying hard to remember that. Best wishes in keeping that wood polished!
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful analogy... except for the part about how sandpaper removes as much good stuff as it does bad. I'd say washing away stressors helps, but... water can be as potent in its ability to remove.
ReplyDeleteTo me, this doesn't mean all is hopeless. It's just that change will always happen, and new, different growth should always be nurtured. Which it sounds like you've found your own way to do... :-D
I'm glad that you've found a way that works for you. ^_^ Unfortunately for me, my anxiety keeps finding new and interesting ways to keep me worrying about things over and over. I'm working on it, but it's slow going.
ReplyDelete