Writing is hard, but it’s better with a friend

Do you ever feel like a broken record when you talk about writing to non-writers? You complain about how publishing is slow and their eyes glaze over? You talk about how you have your fingers crossed and a month later they ask how things are going and you say “the same”?

Or how you’re writing this one scene and IT JUST DOESN’T WORK and you want to pull your hair out and take a sledgehammer to your computer?

Or you managed to write 200 words today and you feel like a complete failure for going so slow?

There's only one other kind of person out there who will understand you: another writer.  Writing is hard. It's a kind of hard that makes you weep with joy and laugh as everything burns down before your eyes (not exactly the mark of the sane, if you catch my drift). I’ve mentioned in the past that every time I start in on a new part of the project I think “Oh crap, this is the hard part.”

Nope, it’s all hard, but I’ve already talked about that. Today I want to tell you all that you shouldn’t go this road alone. I’ve tried, but it just doesn’t work. I tried to go it alone because I was going to be that special person who managed to make it without all of the trouble that everyone else went through. I queried before I had CPs. No really, you can stop laughing, it's embarrassing enough as it is. 

The reason I tried to go it alone was because something terrible happened to me: I got burned. I tried on CPs, and they were mean, they lashed out, they hated on me. And not like a little bit. And worse, plenty took my critiques and did not even attempt to return the favor. Then I got feed back that would curl the eyebrows of the most battle worn writer.

So there I was, pouring my little writer heart out, and I was getting burned at every occassion. So I decided I didn't need CPs. If the world was full of twits who couldn't be bothered to reciprocate, then I didn't need them either. Maybe other people found their crit partners of awesome, but it was clear I wasn't going to be one of them. 

So I went it alone. 

Let me just say that it is lonely and terrifying being alone and at the mercy of publishing. Every email is THE ONE until you open it and it isn't. It was hard to be the only person standing in the cold ocean asking politely if the ocean would like to read my novel. Because that's what trying to get published feels like: you, alone in the breakers trying to get one of them to slow down enough to read your book. You think, Oh, I'll stand really big for this one. I won't let it hurt when it crashes over me. This one will stop. It will! And then there you are, seaweed in your mouth and trying to stand up like you meant to go down in the drink.

It sucked. And I thought I was doing something wrong, because all around me, I saw people with book deals, and awesome crit partneres and besties, and "I GOT AN AGENT!" It was me. I was the one who had a problem. It was my writing that was terrible, and it felt like I was the only one.

Then I started this blog, and stuff started to get better. I met other people who weren't screaming from the rooftops about their agent (and if you have an agent, or are even in the process of screaming about one, that's so wonderful and congratulations! It's such a big step), or their book deals (same as the agent thing). I met other writers who were struggling through a first draft that was determined to kill them, and then there were even more writers who had a draft, had revised it, had queried it and come to the sad conclusion that they had an unsaleable book. They were all around me, standing in the waves with me, and I'd never seen them because I hadn't put myself out there to find them. 

I put my hand out for cps again. I got burned by some, but then I started to find CPs who were really nice and wonderful. Some of them worked out, some of them didn't (so many reasons), but now I have some of the most amazing CPs in the world. More importantly, I've made friends. People who are just trying to make it past the next breaker. 

Don't go it alone. I know that it's hard to connect with people, and there are plenty of potential writers out there who are looking to take advantage of well meaning writers. Don't let this stop you. You need the support, you need the people who nod sagely when you complain that you've been writing for months and you're still in ACT I of your novel that was supposed to be written in two days! Only other writers will know this pain. Find them. Make friends. If you're just starting out, know that you will get burned, and it's not personal. Sometimes people aren't ready for the give and take of a friendship. You don't owe them anything, so move on and find people worth spending your time with. 

And know that things won't always work out. There are tons of reasons, and I mean tons. Sometimes it’s you. Sometimes you get a CP who is interested in having praise laid at her feet, not being instructed in where commas go and the fact that no one needs another shape shifting teenager story where the MC is just trying to “fit in.” (I’m so sorry if you’re writing a shape shifting teenager story where the MC is just trying to “fit in”, but now you know not to pitch it like that.) Sometimes it’s you who isn’t ready for the give and take. Maybe you don’t have time to read other people’s work (hint, if you don’t have time to read other people’s work,  you don’t really have time to grow as a writer, so you might want to look at your priorities). Sometimes it doesn’t work out because you just lost a job and now have to move and they needed help yesterday, and you can read for them in a month. 

But know that there are other people who will understand. They will work out. And you need writing friends and CPs and betas. NEED.  I would go insane without mine. They are invaluable. But I would have given up looking based on some of my first experiences, don’t do that. 

It’s dangerous to go alone: Here, take this:   <========{}---@    (it’s supposed to be a sword, but I suck at emoticons)