The Definition of Insanity

 The saying is that repeating something and expecting different results is the very definition of insanity. These words are misattributed to Albert Einstein, which is funny because that's sort of EXACTLY what you do with science, you repeat yourself to see if what you did was the result of your circumstances or some truth of the universe. 

I feel like we writers often feel this quote because we embark on the craziest of journeys. Imagine sitting down to write a document night after night for the better part of a season, editing the document for the better part of another season, ignoring friends and family in the hopes of being let through the velvet rope to the party based on actions taken a year ago. But things that got people into the party last year, don't get them in this year. Vampire novel? Ha! Not since 2012... but maybe now is the time. You came ready to dance with a Dystopian in 2017? Sorry about that.

Still, we set sail with the hopes that there will be a slip custom made for our boat across the great storms of query land in a year. As in, a year from now, I'm hoping there will be a place for my really twisted Sci Fi about love, loss, and technology we don't understand (which describes so many sci fi that it's almost funny). 

Anyway, all this to say that I have once again thrown my hat in the ring. I am repeating myself in the hopes of a different outcome. 

I mean, I'm not repeating myself, I came with a new novel, a new outlook, and a new idea. Okay, that last one is just like last time because I always have a new idea. It's just the way things work.

This is an IWSG post. And yes, they are few and far between at this point, but hop on the link, and visit the co-hosts:  J Lenni Dorner, Sarah Foster, Natalie Aguirre, Lee Lowery, and Rachna Chhabria!

Giving it a shot

 

I know I said Insecure Writer's Support Group hasn't been working for me, but maybe that was more an issue of where things were during the pandemic. I guess I'm starting to slowly come to the understanding that even though there will be before times and all that, the news that Texas has just decided it's done with virus protections and is going to open up everything is an indication that everyone is just going to march back to normal ASAP. 

I have honestly never felt so thoroughly gaslit in my life. Like we're just supposed to go back to work and our office buildings and pretend this last year never happened? All that was just some fever dream and please move on? 

*sigh* This is probably why I had to drop posting last year because it seems insensitive to be yelling "Bullshit" at the top of my lungs while people are dying, but here we are. This is some impressive bullshit timeline we are all living through. 

I know a lot of people have had a hard time writing. I did. Or rather, I thought I did at first. If I compare the last year's writing, it's pretty close to on par with any other year, but the year seemed like it was ten years long, so my productivity feels like it was about ten times less. Not the case. 

I have definitely struggled to bring myself to the place where the words come, but it's still there, I just have to drag myself there. And while that is definitely less than ideal, it's not that bad either. I have always had to drag myself to the place where the words come, it's never been super easy. Or rather, it's never been super easy if I'm trying to produce words without having gone through the buildup before hand, the daydreaming, the notes, the world building, the what ifs and the playing it out like a movie in my head. 

All this to say, I couldn't handle a lot of normal things over the last year, and I'm not alone in that. I had to go to normal work. I had to deal with the extra burden of distance learning, and cooking EVERY. LAST. MEAL. (my god, my family wants three squares every day?? Absurd, I tell you.) And now that some people are demanding the return of normal (ha! good luck), I guess I'll play along in this one area. 

This is an Insecure Writer's Support Group Post, and I don't follow rules (especially now), but check out the page and this month's cohosts,  Sarah - The Faux Fountain Pen Jacqui Murray, Chemist Ken, Victoria Marie Lees, Natalie Aguirre, and JQ Rose! 

Musings

 One of the funny parts of writing is how it has this very. long. internship. It's self led, unpaid, and largely low stakes, but make no bones about it, the unpaid lead up to a writing career is an odd time of self policing, tone watching, hopeful posting, and an evolution both of writing style and in the style one presents of themselves. 

It's been a long time for me since I blogged regularly. Mostly, the problem with blogging is that the advice is to not overshare. 

Which is pretty hard. How do I not talk about my WIP which is literally carving itself from my flesh? That's not entirely an overstatement, by the way. When I draft a novel, I have to drive myself to bring the words to life. It's an act of will, lost sleep, and pure stubbornness to be the person to see this thing into reality. 

But then don't talk about it because it might be embarrassing if you query too early and it crashes and burns--or so the advice goes.

Which means I can put up a projects page that will read "Secret Project A, status: Classified. Secret Project B, status: Classified (but very not at the same stage of Secret Project A. Secret Project C, Status: YOU GUESSED IT: CLASSIFIED!"

But is that any better than "A Really Great Novel, status: Querying agent 151, rejections: 100, pending: 51"?

I don't have a good answer for this because I'm given both sides of the coin: share more and share nothing. Obviously, the answer is somewhere in the middle.

Last year I started querying a novel I had put A LOT of work into. A Lot. More than usual. Probably three times as much as usual because I've been worried that I don't put in enough work before querying. Let's just say sometimes it's more than just the amount of work one puts into a book. I have never received such fast, sharp Nos. They came in hours and days rather than weeks and months. Clearly, I hit a nerve, just not the one I'd hoped. 

I stopped querying that piece because 2020 went pear-shaped in an awful hurry. 

I wrote a proposal (thanks, no thanks. Your writing is great, but this isn't quite what I want)

I wrote another book (why not? make it the most ridiculous thing to exist)

Then I entered a pitch contest (why am I such a sucker for pitch contests???) (oh, right, it's because I have five novels, complete and revised that I still love even if I haven't found the right outlet for them). 

I revised a whole novel (a big revision, too). 

I saw an opportunity to do something fun so I wrote a short (classification: Cute as hell (yes, that is an inside joke)). 

And now I stand at the edge of revising my ridiculous novel. I probably love it too much in it's broken rough draft form, but I also love it too much to let it stay broken and hiding in the dark of my hard drive. 

The New Blog is the Old Blog!

 That's right, I'm back at it. I have no idea if this is going to last as a blog location, but it seems like a good time to catch people up on the last year. 

Notable events in one of the worst years ever:

1) I got older. It happens every year, and will happen until I die.

2) I wrote another book. You might think this was a given, but in the pandemic realm, NOTHING is to be taken for granted.

3) As per normal, I'm stupid in love with this new novel, but no, it hasn't hit the querying stages (much revision is needed). 

4) My day job has gone a little bit off the rails in that I have had to show up and pretend like we weren't in the midst of a pandemic all year. (I need a really real vacation)

5) I wrote a short story, my first in forever, and it is adorable. I'm going to start sending it out real soon, so look for the ups and downs of short story markets.

6) I have absolutely fallen off of the Insecure Writer's Support Group. It's not that I'm not insecure, it just isn't working for me anymore. My insecurities haven't gone away, but they have boiled down to the understanding that they don't really matter. It doesn't matter because I have finally hit my stride with my voice, and that's not going to change, no matter how insecure I am. It's a little freeing, but also a bit terrifying because I know there are plenty of people who don't like my style. But I can see that isn't changing. 

7) I delisted my books from the zon because they never went through anything like sensitivity readers, and until I can spend the money and time to really make sure they aren't doing harm or perpetuating harmful stereotypes, off they go to sit in the trunk. On the plus side, this means I'll have more time for then stories I really want to tell, and boy there's some stuff coming!!

8) There's honestly too much to sum up in one post. 

I'm hoping good things are coming.